Feelings...

Do you ever have a feeling that you just need to do something? This morning started rough again. I have to admit I'm really struggling at not being angry. I'm ready for the week to start so that my mind is focused on other things. Anyhow...I didn't want to go home just quite yet. The week does get too busy and I feel guilty about not going to the nursing home to see my stepgrandfather. My man (who has been just awesome in the support department this week) said he didn't care if we all headed out there.

When we got there my stepgrandmother said he had been pretty restless and they had given him some morphine. I went over to talk to him and the boys followed with wide eyes. We talked to Betty awhile and then decided to leave. I was so proud of Gman when we left because he went over to hug Betty without being asked. He said he knew she needed it.

My Dad called a little bit ago and said that Kenny had passed. I'm so glad that I went there this morning and took the boys with me. I have so many feelings running through me at this time. My man and I had a faith discussion this morning and I want to just accept all that has happened as part of his plan that we will never understand. However, I'm angry about my miscarriage and the pain that Kenny had to endure. I'm sad that Kenny is no longer with us, but I'm at peace knowing he isn't suffering anymore. God is with me and he will get me through this if I just focus on him!

Here is a picture of Kenny just a few short months ago. One is one his 80th birthday with all of the great grandkids, and the other is at Christmas. He always made me feel part of the family and will be greatly missed!